Wednesday, March 27, 2013

More Sake, More Philosophy

I'm pretty shocked at how well I've handled this whole wedding thing so far. Sure there have been some roadblocks and some difficult catering decisions. And we still have a lot that can be done. I may have had a couple of bridezilla moments about shoes choices and other minor things, but for the most part our decisions were relatively low key. I guess I just know that when it comes down to it, nobody will care about what the flowers looked like and how many favors we had or if the napkins perfectly matched our paper lanterns. And in the end, I don't really care either.

I have been doing a whole lot of thinking about this marriage thing though, which really if you're going to freak out about something wedding related is the right thing to freak about. I mean, to really simplify it the wedding day is just a giant celebration. It's the marriage that's kind of a really big freaking deal.

I pondered this out loud the other night after an absurd amount of sake courtesy of New Haven's most infamous hibachi restaurant.
To quote the hibachi chef: "More sake, more happy!" Indeed.
"You know, getting married really makes you think about your own mortality," I told Mr. Rucksack on our way home. I get really philosophical when I drink.
I tried to explain further, but probably made it worse. It was something along the lines of when you're just dating, you can pretend you're young and carefree. Time doesn't matter when you're in your early twenties and partying. You have all the time in the world. But now we're getting married and suddenly I feel older. Sometimes I forget that I'm 29 because I swear to you I feel like I'm still 21 and have said on more than one occasion "I can't think about that - I'm just a kid!" No sweetie, you're just in denial.

Most of the time I'm in my happy little bridal daze, but then it'll suddenly occur to me that I'm going to be thirty (someday!) and I'm getting married and I'm going to have babies and before I know it I'll be a mother (or grandmother!) asking "Where did the time go?" It's already going by so fast.

Of course, none of that means that I don't want to marry Mr. Rucksack. I am so ridiculously lucky to have found him and can't wait to be his wife. I just sometimes get wistful and wish I could redo the past 10 years again. Because seriously, who wouldn't want to relive college again?
Oh college, how I miss double fisting vodka crans all night and still being able to wake up the next morning to go to class.
But that's just me being sentimental. Because frankly, there were a lot of low points in those ten years that I for sure would not want to go back to. So, since time doesn't stop for anyone we're moving forward. And you know, I really do love our little life and wouldn't trade it for the world. And seriously, this face? Who wouldn't want to wake up to this face for everyday forever?

Did you experience similar realizations as you neared your wedding?

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